No matter what stage of recovery you are in, or perhaps you are a carer of an addict, I invite you to think about what kind of glasses you are wearing…
Rose tinted glasses: Seeing the positive in things is important but being unrealistic is not helpful. We need to be honest about where our flaws are and think deeply about what needs to change in our lives to make things a better place. Very often, it is the early stages of recovery, when we might be over-confident about staying clean, or we begin to dismiss the signs of an impending relapse that the rose tinted glasses come on. Or it can creep in at any stage when we are reluctant to work hard to overcome our challenges and become lazy – or worse, still fall, into denial. Carers too can often wear these glasses because the thought of their loved-one relapsing or using is just to painful to face up to. If we see things with too much optimism and fail to see the difficulties then things will go on without being changed. Over time our rose tinted glasses may fall from our faces and then it can be overwhelming, the moment we realise things aren’t so peachy after all.
Dark Shades: Opposite to rose tinted glasses, dark shades give us a world view that is dark and cloudy. Day time may look like night time as the shades shut out the light. In our addiction we felt as though great darkness had descended upon us, far removed from the light of Allah and the happiness that being clean and practicing Islam can bring. In recovery, if we fail to lean towards this light we can fall into the trap of negative thinking, often prediciting the worst case scenarios and becoming afraid to make changes that can be positive. These glasses are often worn by celebrities when they are either worse for wear or coming out of the gym without their make up. In other words they have something to hide. We can often hide behind the dark shades as a defense mechanism and keep others out. In our addiction, we may have become isolated or secretive, shutting out friends and family. Recovery is about letting people in so that we can come out of our isolation. As the Prophet peace be upon him said, “The wolf devours the lone sheep”. Being alone leaves us vulnerable to the whispers of Shaitan, where negative thoughts are born. Or maybe we are a carer, and we have become so used to living in darkness that it can be hard to feel hopeful. Having felt let down over and over again we stop allowing ourselves to feel hopeful that our loved-one will come out of their addiction, afraid of getting hurt. But this can be an obstruction, that just leaves us stumbling around the dark. Let there be light.
Mirrored lenses: When people look at us, all they see is their own image. We haven’t found our own identity, or maybe we are not comfortable enough around certain people to just be our own self. When our self esteem is low, we begin to take on the personalities of those around us because we feel we are more likely to be accepted. We push the true self down, lock it away, or deny it all together. Prolonged periods of wearing these lenses may mean we forget who we really are, to the point we don’t even know who we want to be. This is a sad state to be in. Recovery, is about finding out who we are and beginning to show our true selves to the world, and to be consistent with that personality, not changing our selves depending on our company. As carers of addicts we can often change our own lives around to fit into the recovery of our loved one, sometimes meaning that we no longer get to do the things we like to do. We become so locked in, obsessed even, by the behaviours of the addict in our lives that we lose sight of our ownselves. As Muslims, we need to connect with our own self in order to strive towards pleasing Allah and following the sunnah of our beloved Prophet.
The wrong prescription: Have you ever tried on a friends glasses just for fun and thought “Woah, that feels weird”? Maybe your head was spinning, and you felt a bit confused and disorientated. Sometimes we can look towards other people in recovery or on the dean and think – “yeah, I want a piece of what they’ve got”. We try to emulate their recovery programme, matching them meeting for meeting, going gym, reading the same books or generally copying their routine. But we find when we do it their way, it just doesn’t feel right. It can be really confusing and sometimes upsetting when we try out an example of someone elses recovery and find it does not work for us. Recovery is not a ‘one size fits all’ thing. We need to get our own prescription. People practise Islam in different ways. Yes we all aim to follow the Quran and Sunnah (way of the Prophet, peace be upon him) but we are not all robots doing the same thing every day. There are many ways to catch a fish. So we need to get our own prescription and find our own way to stay clean on The Dean.
Comedy Glasses: No one said life has to be serious all the time. Being stuck in the addictive cycle can be depressing and soul destroying. But at the same time, recovery is no joke. We need to make time for fun, play and laughter but at the same time, we must remember that it is easy for us to get caught up in that. Sometimes the feeling of happiness we get in early recovery can make us lose sight of the bigger picture. Maybe our social life begins to widen as family and friends welcome us back into their lives. Family begin to give us more responsibility as they feel they can trust us now. We begin to say yes to invitations and suddenly the world can feel like our oyster. This is wonderful and amazing but we need to take our recovery seriously and always make sure that within the fun and socialising we make time to reflect and contemplate on ourselves and where we are heading. May Allah keep our feet firm upon The Straight Path.
So these were just a handful of examples of the kinds of glasses we wear in recovery, or while caring for an addict. We will find that over time we become comfortable with our pair, that things seem clear and things work. But as we grow and develop and our vision in life changes we may need to think again about what glasses we have on. We need to strive to keep our sights clear in recovery, always looking ahead and only looking back to remind ourselves how grateful we need to be to Allah for having taken us out of that place. So head up, look straight and we thank Allah for giving us the ability to see and we know that;
” It is not the eyes that are blind, but it is the hearts” (Qur’an 22:46)
By Lynne Ali-Northcott (Addiction Counsellor)