Category Archives: Poetry pages

Fighting The Ten Headed Monster

HydraI stood beneath my husband as he felt larger than life, towering over me like a mythical monster with several heads. Here is what those heads were saying to me;

The loudest head of all shouted out with so much conviction “I won’t do it again” and I thought “You say that all the time but you do”

The ugliest head of all shouted “I hate you, you b@t*# you never helped me, you want to see me fall” and my inner voice cried “I helped you more than I helped myself”.

The most crooked head of all spoke collectively and calmly in a sing song tone that went up and down, “It was only once, I haven’t used for ages” and my knowing self told me “but I found all the evidence to say otherwise”.

The most lost head of all, facing the wrong way with its head back to front, is looking up at the sky, even though its eyes are diseased and it cannot see, and shouting in anger “You Allah! You did this to me. You wrote me off in that Book of Yours! This is my destiny! And then you will throw me in Your Hell Fire. It’s your fault Allah! I hate your religion!” and my frightened voice says “But Allah gave us free will and He gave you so many signs and chances to change”.

The most manipulative head of all, the one with the narrow eyes said through its gritted teeth, “I will take away everything from you, no one else will love you, I will make your life so hard if you leave me, in fact I might even kill myself if you try to go” and my self that trusts Allah says “My Lord will take care of me”. 

The weakest head of all, the one that occasionally gets stomped on by those huge monster feet; the feet that have several brains from its several heads telling them to go, back and forth, left and right, directionless and lost, that weakest head, the one with no ears said “I can’t do it, I can’t change, I see no way out!” and my frustrated self said “The solution is in The Quran and Sunnah – have you not heard me all of these years?”

The hungry, thirsty head, the one drooling with its putrid saliva, the one that causes the heart to beat faster, the one that makes the feet dash from the Straight Path, said “I do not care about you or any one else but me! Give me those drugs and I do not care about anything but those drugs! Give me MORE!” and my sad self said “You never put me first, you love drugs more than you love me.”

The exhausted head said “I’m so tired, I cannot do this any more, I cannot think, I cannot sleep, I cannot rest, I am sick and tired of being sick and tired” and my confused self looked on and wondered how he had the strength to carry on and my confused self told my worried self that it might one day have to find a way to explain the death of him in a way that would protect his honour. “No one wants to die a junky, no one wants to enter the grave on drugs and no one wants to be raised in the state of intoxication on the Last Day”.

The blaming head, the one that stands high above the rest, the one with the biggest nose so it cannot see what is below said in a snarling voice “You did this! If you were more supportive, if you were around more, if you did not start that fight, if you didn’t say those words to me, if you were a better wife, if you did not go out that day, if my parents were better parents, if I had not met that guy, if I did not bump into that dealer, if I didn’t have a headache that day, if I didn’t have everyone on my back, if I didn’t have stress, if my family didn’t let me down……. then I would never have used” and my broken self said “If only you would take responsibility for yourself, repent and turn back to Allah so He can forgive you, grant you a good life and enter you into Jannah”

But hang on whats that there hanging down at the bottom. It is hard to see but there it is, peeping through the legs of this multi-headed monster like a shy, anxious, child peering round the legs of its mother…

The truthful head, the one with the sad eyes and the tiny mouth that speaks in a mere whisper. What are you saying little head? What are you trying to say beneath all those frightening voices? We can barely hear you over all that noise, what do you want to say? “It is my fault. I made those choices. I hurt you badly and I hurt myself. I am sorry. I want to change and I need help. Oh Allah help me, only You, My Lord, Allah, can save me now” and I said “Hey little head, here is a sword, take this sword of truth and chop off all those other heads, but only you can do it. No one else can reach those other voices but you, because they are growing out of you.”

And so as the monster continues to rage and try to reach out and grab me, trap me, break me and I realise I can no longer fight this frightening being. I realise that the time has come to run. Now that my hand is emptied of my sword I say “The sword is in your hands now. It is time for you to fight yourself. My battle is over. I know now, I cannot fight your addiction, only YOU can” and now my hands no longer carry the heavy weight, my hands are free to hold something far more special. I embrace freedom, I grab it with my two hands. Freedom from the fight. 


Coping with the burden

Living on the edge of despair
The brink of what we can bear
A nervous disposition
checking up on them with precision

Living with dreams and hope
In the darkness we grope
Grope for solutions
Only finding confusions

All thats left is prayers
To voice all our carers
While our loved ones have deaf ears
Allah washes away sins with our tears

The Path of the Goblins

The heroin fairy has blinded you with her brown dust
Now a want has become a must
Living a life of needs and lust
Now your loved ones have lost all trust

You walk one way, they turn their backs
You’re becoming lost so you follow the devils tracks
And find the streets pathed with crack
Where every path has a canopy of black

The roads lead the same way in the end
a devil calling you closer at every bend
These journeys days are beginning to blend
you think our hearts are too broken to mend

Locked in a world where goblins are real
Numb and dazed, you no longer can feel
How can you remove your hearts’ seal
when you’ve invited the devils to walk by your heel?

People stare and think “he’s not quite right”
They think “has this person lost his sight?”
You’ve given up on lifes fight
And the glimmer of light is pushed out of sight

THe magnetism of the goblin mile
Queing for the dealers in single file
Splashing the cash on your brown fairy bile
Purchasing your ticket to stay in Hell for a while

So what if I told you that fairies aint real?
And its the devil who chose your life to steal
Dont listen to his whispers surreal!
Out of your heart, he is making a meal

Theres only one way to get out of the gloom
To change your destination of doom
COme out of the shadows where the shayateen loom
And travel to the light, theres plenty of room

I will make a mention
that it takes one certain intention
and taking weight of your deeds with full attention
And then conscious effort towards abstention

WIth the remembrance of the Glorious He
The goblins alarmed and shaking will flee
and then you will be able to see
Perhaps, who knows, you may even find me

Shattered Heart

Is it possible for a heart to break one thousand times
a stabbing pain for all their crimes
every time they drink or use
I suffer from emotional abuse

With every hurt and every shame
every tear my heart does maim
And still I decide to stay
And hope my sins will wash away

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), “No Muslim suffers tiredness, exhaustion, worry, grief, annoyance or distress, not even a thorn that pricks him, but Allah will expiate some of his sins thereby.”

(al-Bukhari, Muslim).

Ramadan Guest, don’t go

The sand of time is running out
Ramadan is leaving us soon
And still I am lost in doubt
As I await the date stalk crisp moon

Will things be wholesome and new
Will Shawaal bring happiness
Will all the good deeds be continued
or will they wear out like a tattered dress

Oh Ramadan cant you stay for a while?
Things are always better when you are here
Oh Ramadan It feels so lifting to smile
Everything feels so much more sincere

The rest of the year is so tough without you
Its like I can only get by when you are here
You’re my crutch that helps me walk through
The roads of life that I tread with great fear

Oh Ramadan without you I am lost
Thirty days is not enough
To bring eternal change and hope
So stay awhile don’t leave. Don’t go

An Ode to Dad

I am a thirteen year old Muslim girl. My Dad was on drugs for many years. He is now clean Alhamdulillah but I still carry the pain with me. Here is my poem from me to my Dad.

An Ode to Dad

When my dad came home itwould be like he would load his gun, Pull the trigger, And shoots the bullet

Straight down his throat, Killing himself, slowly,

Sharing the smoke to me and my family .

Trying to be strong,
Nothing can scare me,
I was wrong.
I was confused and did not understand,

Why was he doing it,
I see you popping the pills
And im finding the weed

You go to rehab
You’re in and out
Months have gone past
But what does that do
You still continue

I questioned our love
But I know u loved me
So why did u do it
You let it out on us
The people who loved you
And cared

I held my anger in
I was naughty at school
I did not want to come home
I was scared to see you
And would always avoid you

I prayed every night that you would change
And you did
After months of pain
I will never forget it
Even now you’re better
It will still be there to remember

Now I still am scared you will start again
But I have faith that you won’t
Please keep my trust
And don’t do it again

You are a great dad
Now you have stopped
Please stay this way and don’t go back
Don’t put me through the pain again
And don’t put yourself through the pain